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Anyone who has ever received a break-up text (speaking for a friend), knows that how you say something can be just as important as what you say. The late Canadian media theorist Marshall McLuhan coined a brilliant phrase to describe this phenomenon: “”

The way you choose to talk to someone—the tool or medium you use—influences how that person receives your message. A belated happy birthday text from an old college friend will bring a smile to your face, while one from your spouse will turn that smile upside down.

What you say must fit with what you’re saying . It’s a concept called decorum. At first glance, it sounds old-fashioned, but (though etiquette does play a role here). Decorum also has a rhetorical, or persuasive, function.

Decorum requires a certain generosity on your part. It means approaching people the way they hope to be approached. If you’re trying to persuade your co-worker to a new point of view, speaking the way she speaks is good practice because it gives you a greater chance of reaching her.

Back to your original question: McLuhan’s phrase and the concept of decorum suggest that how you communicate to your staff depends on what you’re communicating—along with the personal preferences of who you’re communicating to . But how to know?

The best way to learn is through observation. Failing that, try asking: What’s your preference for when I communicate with you? Ask them specifically—Text? Call? Email? Walk down the hall and pop in? Especially if it's someone you will be communicating with frequently, ask them what they prefer.

I often prefer phone calls and text messages, but my colleague Kristen has a strong preference for email. We try to accommodate each other’s preferences by delivering important messages in our preferred mediums.