亚洲自慰视频

"I'm Really Worried About You" - How to Have a Conversation with a Colleague About Suicide

Coworkers are often the first to recognize when a peer is struggling under extreme stress. Psychiatrist Kristin Francis and psychologist Rob Davies share how to break through the discomfort and talk to your struggling colleague.

By Kristin Francis and Rob Davies | 3 minutes

Our work was hard before the pandemic, and now it's reached a level that nobody could have imagined. 

People rallied to get themselves through the Covid crisis. But even as the spread of the virus slows, a shadow pandemic of deteriorating mental health has emerged. Everyone is vulnerable , especially our frontline workers.   

亚洲自慰视频 care workers, particularly those with clinical roles, have often been taught to suppress their feelings and hide any signs of distress. Our colleagues are battling extreme stress and they鈥檙e realizing, 鈥淥h, this took more of a toll on me than I thought.鈥 Physicians who feel like their patients rely on them to stay strong might not ask for help until it鈥檚 too late. Physicians, and other health care workers experience above average rates of distress and suicide than the general population, and exposure to trauma impacts our physical and mental well-being.

"Physicians, nurses and other health care workers experience above average rates of distress and suicide than the general population."

Coworkers are often the first people to recognize when one of their peers are struggling, long before mental health professionals like us become involved. But even when they notice something鈥檚 wrong, it can be difficult or embarrassing to initiate an honest discussion.  

We need to empower people to have these tough conversations. Asking about suicide does not increase the likelihood of suicide or put the idea in a person鈥檚 head. Peer support can help us develop strategies to combat rising suicide rates. It鈥檚 time to break through the discomfort and create a culture that makes having these hard conversations easier.

YES, IT'S AWKWARD- AND THAT'S OKAY

When we ask someone something sensitive or personal, we tend to overestimate how uncomfortable it will make that person. , we're usually way more uncomfortable about asking the question than they are about answering it. But if we can push past our embarrassment and just ask, 鈥淣o really, how are you?鈥 we might literally save a life.   

We can try to normalize that awkwardness by acknowledging it upfront. We might start with, 鈥淭his is coming out really weird, I鈥檓 sorry. What I鈥檓 trying to say is that I鈥檓 worried about you.鈥 Or maybe, 鈥淚鈥檓 not sure how to say this so I鈥檓 just going to spit it out鈥︹ 

"It's better to take the risk and be vulnerable than to have someone suffer because you didn't try."

Embracing the weirdness takes some practice, and sometimes we still don鈥檛 get it right. It鈥檚 better to take the risk and be vulnerable than to have someone suffer because you didn鈥檛 try.

Think of how you would talk to a friend or family member and model that technique. You can also try being more transparent in situations with your coworkers: "Wow, that was really tough. These cases are affecting me more and more. Anyone else noticing this about themselves?"

A LITTLE HUMOR (OR SELF-EFFACEMENT) CAN LOWER DEFENSIVENESS

Transparency, self-effacement and a little humor can always help lower defensiveness in these interactions. 

FOR A CASUAL CONVERSATION, TRY THESE STARTERS

  • "This may feel kind of awkward but...鈥
  • "I'm not used to asking/saying this but...鈥
  • "This feels uncomfortable to me but...鈥
  • "Hey, I know we're not taught to really talk about our feelings so I may be wonky for a minute but...鈥
  • "I'm probably going to say this all wrong鈥"  
  • "You're the best provider I know. How do you keep it up with all this stress? People are having a hard time, I know I am.鈥  

FINISH YOUR STARTER BY SHARING YOUR INTENTION

  • "...I just wanted to make sure you are doing ok."
  • "...I really care about and respect you. Just wanted to check in after that bad outcome."
  • "...I'm worried about you. You seem out of sorts lately." 

MORE SERIOUS STARTERS COULD BE

  • "I've been reading about how providers have higher rates of depression and anxiety due to all the stress of Covid. I know I'm feeling it, do you?鈥  
  • "Hey, have you heard about providers struggling and not getting support? How can we help people in our group? Do you know anyone who鈥檚 having a hard time? How can we make this easier to talk about?"
  • The old fail-safe is to ask about a patient: "Hey, I have a patient who is a provider and isn't doing well. I don't really know what to say because we're taught to suck it up. We know that isn't helpful or good for anyone...do you have any advice? Do you know anyone going through this?" 

IT'S OKAY TO BE DIRECT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT SELF-HARM

  • "Sometimes we have suicidal thoughts after a bad outcome or during a tough time. Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself, even if just fleeting?鈥
  • "You seem pretty miserable. This may come across as really direct but I just want to double-check: Are you also having thoughts of hurting yourself?鈥

IF THEY BLOW YOU OFF OR GET DEFENSIVE, THAT'S OKAY

Sometimes people just aren鈥檛 used to being asked about themselves. If they blow you off or get defensive, that鈥檚 okay. Apologize and express your concern or intent鈥攑eople soften when they hear that you鈥檙e coming from a place of caring.  

After any conversation with a colleague, ask how you can support them. Sometimes stepping back from a direct conversation can be helpful, so ask if you can follow-up with them tomorrow or reach out later via text. If they're not responsive and you're worried that their well-being or patient-care could be compromised, talk to a supervisor. 

IF A PERSON RESPONDS "YES" TO HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

If a person responds 鈥測es鈥 to experiencing suicidal ideation and they are not getting the support they need, you can:  

  1. Drive them to support resources such as the Emergency Room or Huntsman Mental 亚洲自慰视频 Institute鈥檚 receiving center for assessment.
  2. Use one of the resources listed below to connect them to support.
  3. Share the list of resources with them and have them commit to connecting with support.

If you are concerned and don鈥檛 know what to do next, call the crisis line (1-800-273-TALK) to be walked through options. This is also a time to enlist support from other colleagues, friends and family members so you do not have to support this individual alone.

GETTING OVER THE DISCOMFORT CAN SAVE A LIFE

It鈥檚 also important for us to be honest with ourselves and others when we鈥檙e asked the question, 鈥淣o really, how are you?鈥 If we are struggling and in need of support, we need to speak up and share this information with people we trust. Many of us were taught at some point in our lives or during our training that asking for help meant that we were being a burden. We can change this norm today. We are all individuals of value who need each other to survive. Admitting you need help simply means it鈥檚 your turn for support, and when someone else is in need, they'll know you are there for them.

"If we can push ourselves to be brave, honest and a little vulnerable, we might make a difference."

亚洲自慰视频 care鈥檚 culture is tough, and we pride ourselves on not being impacted by the challenges and stressors we face every day. But we are impacted. If we can push ourselves to be brave, honest and a little vulnerable, we might make a difference. It鈥檚 powerful to know that getting over our own discomfort can save the lives of people we love.

Suicide Support

Crisis contacts for everyone:  

Urgent resources for health care professionals:   

  • 24-48 hour response and appointment, email here.
  • Huntsman Mental 亚洲自慰视频 Institute Same Day Psychiatry Clinic: 801-585-1212
  • Resiliency Center: Call 801-213-3403, or email: resiliencycenter@hsc.utah.edu 

Feel like you need more training? 

  • Try the Question, Persuade, Refer (QPR) Institute provides online and in-person training. Just like CPR, QPR is an emergency response to someone in crisis and can save lives. QPR is the most widely taught Gatekeeper training in the world.  
  • , from The Physicians Foundation, provides a free  
  • U of U 亚洲自慰视频 Zero Suicide Program: Contact program manager Rachael Jasperson. She can connect you with local options and online learning. 

Acknowledgement: The contributors would like to thank Dr. Megan Call for providing editorial assistance and support resources for this article.

CONTRIBUTORS

Portrait of Kristin Francis

Kristin Francis

Psychiatrist, Huntsman Mental 亚洲自慰视频 Institute, 亚洲自慰视频 of Utah 亚洲自慰视频

Rob Davies

Licensed psychologist, GME Wellness Director, Unviersity of Utah 亚洲自慰视频